The Rio Mission
by The Rainbow Monocerus
Summary: They've won the mission everyone wanted. Giorgio and Evan are to extract the buyers list from arms dealer Nicolai Vladof. After subtly eliminating him, they can enjoy a company paid vacation in beautiful Rio de Janeiro. Rated M for: descriptive violence, drug use, language and sexual themes. May cause dizziness, vomiting and nausea.
1. Playtime

**Playtime**

* * *

 **[The** **Limão no Coco** **Hotel, Rio Brazil 2:45pm]**

The agents arrived at their long awaited luxury hotel room, dressed in smart casual suited to the climate and more importantly- their civilian cover.

Evan wore blue knee-length shorts with a black and white patterned belt. His upper torso sported a well fitted white t-shirt and a multi-layered black cord necklace replaced his usual dog tags. Meanwhile, his right arm equipped a sports compression sleeve and a motorcycle glove to hide a myriad of impressive scars which drew too much attention. "You look like the guy who both started and ended the bar fight." He had been told jokingly in the communal training room showers.

Giorgio typically opted for a more formal look. He wore a salmon-red collared shirt with its sleeves rolled up, pale chinos and of course, Italian black dress shoes.

"Well it didn't turn out to be such a big deal after all." Stated Evan as he flopped onto the luxurious suite couch which was even more comfortable than his own apartment bed somehow. "I still can't believe Keith and Robert turned all this luxury down just because they're too scared to hug a little."

* * *

 **[VSSE Headquarters, Director's Office 8:21pm- 2 Days Earlier]**

The VSSE Chief was sitting at a small dining table in his office playing poker with Richard Miller, and the resident psychologist Dr Fine. That is to say, they _had_ been playing poker, but after the sixth round of drinks it had devolved into strip poker.

The doctor had only removed her green blazer- but only because she was getting a little stuffy, she had not lost any of her hands yet.

Richard let out a puff of air he was holding in, as he dropped the cards he was holding onto the table. He removed his signature red t-shirt showing his tan, chiselled body to everyone.

The Chief let out a jolly laugh as he removed a sock. He had one more sock left before he was down to just his boxers...

The Special Operations Agents on the other hand, were happily drinking around the coffee table.

"Come on guys, what's your problem with each other?" Evan asked with a rum and cola in his hand.

Keith and Robert were technically the winning pair for the Rio Mission, but upon learning that the mission brief called for them to pose as an affectionate couple, the two had turned it down- forfeiting it to the runner up pair.

His own partner gave an amused scoff, mocktail in hand. After being knocked out by a Propofol dart for a few hours, Giorgio had finally come to in time for the drinks party. Although alcohol was a big no-no for another 18 hours or so because of the tranquiliser still in his system, messing with the senior pair was always a big yes for him.

Wesley took a break from his Long-island tea to chide the winning pair. "Really, for _senior_ agents no less, to be unable to run a standard cover for infiltration missions."

He wasn't wrong. Unless there was a blood relation, it was actually standard for pairs conducting infiltration missions to pose as couples. It helped to ensure unrelated civilians did make any moves on active field agents, because when it did happen, it never ended well for anyone.

A famous incident among the VSSE's European division involved a female agent, codenamed Minerva. During an undercover mission involving a bar, a sleazy patron responded to "No, go away." as a challenge rather than a rejection. After he decided groping her would somehow win her over, she promptly shanked him in the side with a twirly cocktail straw. Minerva was suspended from active duty for a couple of months and given mandatory anger management classes by the HR Department.

Finishing a gulp of his pina-colada. Alan egged Keith and Robert to demonstrate they were able to pose as a couple. "C'mon! The youngest one here isn't impressed with you guys, show him how it's done!"

The other agents whooped in encouragement. And the harassed pair found power in the liquid courage they had been drinking all night. From an arm's length away, Robert shakily extended his arm… and put a hand to rest on Keith's shoulder.

"Wait... that's it?" Asked Wesley.

The duo was met with boos from their spectators.

"WEAAAAK." Alan hollered.

"We can go no further." Stated Keith.

"Hold him like a real man!" Evan criticized Robert.

"Hey shut up!" Robert lashed out. "You two are European, you guys look gay without even trying!"

Everyone laughed at his outburst.

Setting his drink aside, Evan decided to try his hand at coaching his senior. "Ok, ok. _I_ \- who hails from the city of love, will teach _you_ the uncultured hick _,_ how to romance your dearest partner. Soon, you will be able to share secret plans right in front of the enemy, who only suspect whispers of sweet nothings." Evan sat down beside Giorgio leaving no gap, and made a hand motion for the senior team to do the same.

"Class is now in session." Alan giggled to his own partner.

Robert and Keith reluctantly sat next to each other.

"Close the gap." Giorgio critiqued dryly. "Any further and you'll need to convey your fondness for each other with _love letters_ ".

With a groan, the other pair shuffled closer slowly.

"Now." Said Evan as he leaned on Giorgio. "It's super easy, you just give him a hug. Not even a two handed one." He explained as he curled an arm around his partner's waist, letting his hand rest on the brunette's hip.

The senior duo made faces as if they had eaten lemons, skin and all. Robert hesitantly raised an arm to snake it around Keith's waist like he was shown. Deciding it was too much, he went for the shoulders instead.

"Always a killjoy." Wesley commented shaking his head to a silently laughing Alan.

Evan continued, much to the learning pair's dismay, as he reached for a lock of Giorgio's hair to twirl with a finger. "See guys? Super easy. I do this _all the time_ when I'm bored in group meetings."

Giorgio nodded knowingly. In every group meeting, about halfway in, Evan's interest would falter- and the brunette would feel a lock of hair from the back of his head being twirled and released repeatedly.

Taking instruction from the young blonde, Robert threads his fingers through Keith's hair. Though it more resembles someone reluctantly sacrificing a hand to a paper shredder. Keith tries not to recoil at the touch too much, but his reaction reminds Giorgio of his own convulsing from the time a Terror Bite managed to jump on him.

Alan and Wesley's shoulders are shaking violently as they struggled to contain their laughter.

"As you know already, we greet with a kiss on the cheek. Very standard." Said Evan.

"Shit, there's more." Robert growled.

Keith groaned as if he was suffering from a bullet wound in the thigh.

Cradling his partner's chin with his thumb and index finger, Evan tilted Giorgio's chin up and gave him a long kiss on the cheek.

"UNNNGGHHH." Keith groaned covering his face with his hands.

Robert put his hands up in defeat. "Screw this! I'm out!" He took the beer he had set aside and started chugging.

The sound of the other agents' laughter could be heard by curious staff outside the office, all the way down the hallway.

* * *

 **[The** **Limão no Coco** **Hotel. Rio, Brazil 2:46pm]**

Giorgio shrugged his shoulders at Evan's disbelief of the senior pair passing the mission on to them. "Their loss."

Suddenly, a knock at the door interrupted everyone's thoughts, and was followed by a heavy Brazilian accent. "Pardon me, room service here."

"Bonjour! Come in!" Evan happily ordered.

Giorgio rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless. They had eaten lunch already on the VSSE jet a couple of hours earlier, but Evan was excited to abuse the room service privileges the company had given them. _I suppose we can push dinner back two or three hours..._

A neatly uniformed bellhop came in with a trolley. "Good afternoon Sirs. Today I have the 'Dulce luxury tea menu'. This is our proud national 'yerba mate' known in English as 'friendship tea'." He said winking as he poured cups full of the tea for the duo. After setting small plates in front of them, he took a large ornate platter and set it in the middle. Lifting the cloche, a collection of finger-sized desserts were revealed underneath.

After the bellhop had given a quick run-down of the sweets and left, a painting on the adjacent wall flickered to reveal it was actually a digital screen. "Good afternoon gentlemen! I trust you've both settled into this fine luxury." Asked their handler's voice rhetorically. Before the duo had even entered the room, the IT crew disguised as cleaners, had replaced a wall painting and the coffee table as VSSE tech for the mission's duration.

"Bonjour Sarah!" Beamed Evan.

"Buona sera, mi amici. [Good afternoon, my friend.]" Purred Giorgio as he brought his tea cup to his lips. The tea had an earthy, mildly sweet taste and he noted that the leaves did not come from the standard tea plant.

"So!" Begun their handler. "Nicolai Vladof is an international arms dealer, our intel has found that his clients have expanded into terrorist groups- which has put him on the naughty list of the VSSE. As you already know, your cover has been tailored to suit the target- who by the way just oozes insecurity.

Evan raised an eyebrow, perplexed. "Hang on, isn't his girlfriend an up and coming model? And I heard he has a few 'side pieces' as well."

"Oh, but my French friend, his narcissism is his downfall. Our spies have observed that his penthouse parties have a common trend. Only people who are considered not to pose a threat to his female attention are invited." Sarah explained.

Evan poked the coffee table which had also become a screen, and read out the target's psychological profile. "Members of his posse share one of two traits _if_ they are not women. They are either considered physically unattractive to ensure he appears desirable by comparison; or they are homosexual and therefore are not seen as threats to his female attention."

"What a _pathetic_ guy." Commented Giorgio as he sipped more tea.

"Well at the very least he's not homophobic." Drawled Sarah in agreement.

Evan, who had finished swallowing a bite from a cinnamon-sugar covered banana fritter, looked at his partner with concern. "Come on Giorgio, you haven't even started on any of the bon bons [sweets], here have some of this!"

Giorgio opened his mouth to decline, but Evan took the opportunity to stuff the banana fritter he was eating into his partner's mouth. "Mmph!-" The brunette narrowed his eyes at his cheeky partner and begrudgingly chewed. After a while he slowed down and brought a hand to his mouth.

Seeing his partner's tells for being impressed with the morsel, Evan grinned. "It's stuffed with 'dulche de leche'- which is a kind of caramel made from condensed milk. Also, I got some on your whiskers, my bad."

Giorgio narrowed his eyes at his cheeky partner and accepted the napkin.

Sarah sighed. "Ughhh Evan I hate you, I'm ordering a platter for my room too." The handler was a few floors down in an opposing east-facing room in case she needed to survey outside movement. "Anyway, you both need to make contact with him, acquire the information for his future weapons trades, and then dispose of him _quietly_ so his clients don't know that we're on to them."

"He slipped and fell off the balcony." Said Evan confidently.

"Hmm, not bad. But let's leave that as a last resort. One of our informants works in management here... Let's avoid anything that can be blamed on the hotel."

"There goes poisoning his food." Mumbled Giorgio as he dabbed caramel out of his moustache with a napkin. _Dammit Evan_.

"We push him down a flight of stairs after getting him drunk!" Evan tried again enthusiastically.

"Public security cameras." Corrected Sarah.

Giorgio rolled his eyes. "We force him to drink a tub of dulche de leche until it clogs up his airways and fills his lungs." He sarcastically suggested.

"The consistency of dulche de leche is too thick for drowning, he'd just cough it back up." The handler explained without missing a beat.

"Dammit!"

Evan let out the laughter he had been containing from the suggestion. "Ahahahah! Let's go water board that asshole with dulche de leche!" After the blonde had finished his bout of laughter he wiped a tear away. "...Wow. Eliminating a target without shooting them in the face is actually kinda hard."

"Right." Giorgio agreed. "Taking out the Hamelin Battalion was more straightforward than this."

"No it wasn't! That was LITERALLY an army of trained soldiers! You two just need to take out ONE guy!" Sarah exclaimed. S-class agents were weird. _Why were they so weird?_ She then suggested that they plan the target's elimination after, as it wasn't of the greatest urgency at this stage.

* * *

Sarah had given the duo the perfect time to enter the elevator. After descending a couple of floors, the doors opened and their mark stepped in.

Evan leaned on the support rail with an arm around Giorgio's shoulders possessively. "So mon chéri, do you think we should head to the party of that rapper tonight? I heard it's the _most_ exclusive party in the hotel."

Giorgio leaned his head back lazily onto Evan's arm. "I'm all for the _best_ this hotel has to offer- mio caro." He added to the end of his line as a tongue in cheek response.

Nicolai peaked towards them, interest taken away from his mobile phone.

 _Time to sweeten the bait with dulche de leche to attract the cockroach_. Giorgio thought. "If it's any good, I'll invite Alexis- you know models. Always looking for the biggest party, and the biggest man."

Nicolai could not resist the urge to intrude and butted in. "Woah bros, bros, brooooos. That wannabe rapper ain't the most exclusive…..." He paused for dramatic effect for far too long, and then with both his hands in a strange, made up gang sign, pointed to himself. "I am."

The agents turned to look at each other and smiled.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **-It's finally happened! Hope you enjoyed it finally being released :3 I'm now doing the smart thing like Lilium00 and June Ellie and releasing a smaller scale fic in between the waits for The Rio Mission, which setting wise- is an absolute unit.**

 **-I felt as though there needed to be banter from the aftermath from the Versus fic to tie things up.**

 **-I am putting [these in] for subtitles!**

 **-The Hotel is completely fictional, it's actually a song reference XD**


	2. Musical Chairs

**Musical Chairs**

"Man talk about luck!" Exclaimed a happy go lucky Evan.

"For what, exactly?" Asked a curious Giorgio. They had been lucky enough to win the mission by default already.

"We landed right at the start of Carnaval do Brasil!" Grabbing his partner around the shoulders with one arm, he waves the other hand in front of them as if Giorgio could also see what was in his vivid imagination. "A six day festival-parade of epic proportions, where beautiful people wear _practically nothing_."

Giorgio snorted. _Thought you were particularly happy about something._

"Beautiful floats and lights, and confetti everywhere! And! -" He continued, grabbing Giorgio's hand and pulling his waist close to his suddenly. "-everyone in colourful outfits. Ruffles and feathers. Dancing— the samba!" The blonde exclaimed, straightening his posture and lightly stomping a foot.

"I hate to rain on that parade, but we are here on a mission technically." Giorgio said a matter of factly. Although there was a mirth in his eyes, as the blonde led him sideways in the mock dance.

"Ah but mon ami [my friend], our jet is not due for a week. The sooner we finish the mission-" He dipped his partner and leaned in close grinning. "-the sooner we can go play!"

* * *

"Alright boys, before each party, you need to take these pills." Sarah said handing out a packet to each of the agents.

Evan looked at the packet. "Huh?"

"Oh these guys." Giorgio said, familiar with them already. "The 'Drunk-me-not' pills. These pills release a yeast into your digestive system that eats the alcohol in whatever you've drunk, before your body can absorb it." He explained to his partner.

"That's right." Their support chimed in. "It'll give you an edge over all the other people who can and _will_ get drunk." She said with a twinkle in her cyan eyes.

Normally functioning as the handler and the air support for the duo, Sarah had entered their room to prep them for the infiltration. Also dressed as a civilian, she wore a short, olive green body hugging dress, with a darker green silhouette of printed palm fronds.

She swept her long, black middle parted hair behind a shoulder and gave them their first objective. "Okay boys, you guys need to get friendly with Nicolai. Win his trust at that suite party, while I mingle with his contacts and scout the security."

"Yes mam!" Evan saluted playfully.

Giorgio dispensed a Drunk-me-not for everyone. "Well then… bottoms up."

They all flicked their heads back, swallowing the pills.

* * *

"Brooos you made it!" A psyched Nicolai exclaimed with a very slight Russian accent. He had a weaselly look about him and frosted tips in his otherwise sandy-brown hair. He wore a pastel orange suit with green euro symbols patterning it, making Giorgio's eyes threaten to start bleeding.

"The pleasure is all ours." Evan said with an unsuspecting smile and arm around Giorgio's shoulders again.

Giorgio leaned in to give what looked like a kiss on Evan's cheek. Unbeknownst to the company in front, he was actually whispering. "It's burning my retinas."

Keeping a straight face, Evan flattered the prescribed narcissist as Sarah had advised. "We were impressed with the party, but we didn't know we were attending a party of THE Nicolai Vladof! Word is, if anyone is after a sweet ride, they come to you." He said referring to the man's business front.

Giorgio continued to whisper. "Evan, I beg of you. If I really mean anything to you- you'll scoop my eyes out with a melon baller."

"HA HA HA HA!" Composing himself in a natural way Evan maintained their cover. "My _darling,_ PLEASE. If you introduce any more models to him, Alexis will shred you to pieces!"

Nicolai had decided he immediately liked the duo. But being self-centred, he had not thought to ask their names.

Sensing that it was now or never to introduce themselves or alternatively to be known as 'Brooos' forever, Evan reached out to shake his hand. "An honour to meet you, this is my partner Gigi. He's a runway model. You know, for those hilarious outfits no one actually wears in public."

Giorgio narrowed his eyes a little. Given the short notice of the mission, they didn't prioritise their cover stories and had to improvise. He shook Nicolai's hand with both of his hands and simply smiled at him. "And my darling husband Eugene here— is a stripper."

"Woah! Really?" Nicolai exclaimed, caught off guard. In his surprise, he did not realise that Giorgio had planted an inconspicuous tracking device on his wristwatch.

"Um-hum." Evan hummed in a strained voice, giving Giorgio's shoulder a tight squeeze.

The trio talked for a while, the agents expressing awe at the made up exploits of made up people. This in turn urged Nicolai to volunteer information of his own operations, in a constant show of comeuppance- to the imaginary competition that threatened his own splendour. "Oh yeah, my company has the biggest investors from Astigos, you know."

"Oh yeah?" Evan asked. "Which big-shot did you manage to bag?"

"Only the biggest bank on the island! The-"

Suddenly, screeching sounds and over the top bass filled the air. The speakers shook violently as they could not cope with the volume and shrill sounds.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that-"

Nicolai repeated himself again, but the words were drowned out by the terrible attempt at dubstep music again.

"One more time!" Evan yelled in an attempt to get him to finish his damn sentence.

Unable to hear him, Nicolai yelled. "Hey I love this song!" Although it was just as bad as the first track. Nicolai wiggled his arms and spazzed his body around to dance to the tuneless track. Soon a posse of his side-chicks swept him away from the agents.

The duo opted to stay as far away from the speakers as possible, in order to limit the damage to their hearing. As good as the health benefits in the VSSE were, going deaf was not appealing to them.

"This music." Said Evan. "I can't." He hurriedly grabbed two cocktails handing one to Giorgio before chugging his own down in seconds. "..."

"Did you just remember that we _can't_ get drunk thanks to those pills?"

Evan dropped his forehead down on Giorgio's shoulder and held him tightly for comfort. "NON!"

* * *

Sarah eyed the door to Nicolai's bedroom. It's guarded by two surly men dressed like night club bouncers. _Hmm. If we want in, it'll have to be from the outside?_

After surveying the party room, she proceeded to dance around the room lightly with drink in hand to blend with the crowd, sticking tiny microphones and cameras at strategic locations.

Sarah mingles with the crowd, though no one gives her any particularly useful information on Nicolai's contacts.

"Like he bought me a new handbag!" A drunk girl unhelpfully tells her.

"He imports and exports the hottest cars." Says someone who she dances briefly with. The team already knows that's how Nicolai smuggles weapons through places with high security checks.

 _Looks like he keeps his work and play crowd separate...You're all only here for the various forms of drugs aren't you?_ She thinks, as no one has said a thing about liking Nicolai for his personality.

Suddenly the dance music becomes high pitched and shrill, and for a second she panics, thinking the room is under attack. _Is this meant to be music?!_

Unable to hear what anyone is saying anymore, she heads to the guest bathroom to refresh herself. Forgetting her habit of walking soundlessly, she enters the room to pained sobs.

She spots a beautiful woman standing in front of the toilet crying. Cute ruffled lilac dress and skin a smooth ebony marble, only blemished by her glittery makeup staining her face from her tears.

In her distress she's forgotten to close the door. Sarah is about to leave and do it for her, but sees the woman raise two fingers to put in her mouth.

"Stop!" Sarah grabs her wrist and is met with surprised eyes.

The bewildered beauty breaks down sobbing about how she 'isn't thin enough' in her unfaithful boyfriend's eyes, and clings to the agent for support. Sarah decides that although it's not her job, it's her imperative to comfort the poor creature.

The distressed beauty known as Uxía, and Sarah eventually walk out of the bathroom back to the party to go back to their respective rooms.

Uxía sniffles. "See, I want to be in love with someone who finds me beautiful just the way I am… who only nestles with me… like those love birds perched over there."

* * *

Evan and Giorgio pretended to cuddle on a corner couch in order to be left alone, taking shifts of 'guard duty' with each other. One would observe Nicolai to see if he had finished his seizure-like dancing, while the one on 'relief' napped with his partner's hands over his ears- for relief.

Three and a half long hours past.

Finally the affront to dance music has ended. Giorgio feels Evan take his hands off his ears, and he straightens himself up.

"I don't know how the people in this room can genuinely enjoy these _horrible_ sounds." Frowns Evan, left eye involuntarily twitching.

"Actually, I did see a lot of people doing really long lines of coke on the coffee tables." Giorgio motions with a hand.

"Ah." Said Evan satisfied with the explanation. "Hey look at him go, that guy is snorting a spiral."

Nicolai eventually finds the duo again, this time bringing a friend with him. "Bros! Introduce yourselves."

Evan and Giorgio act much better than they are really feeling, and exchange pleasantries with the new face as Eugene and Gigi Orso, the newly married couple visiting Brazil for a wild honeymoon.

A stocky man with black hair gelled into spikes greets them. He wears a tight tank top and an abundance of gold chains. Skin tan with an orange tint.

"Sup, Brad Worthington." He says, peering over his large, dark sunglasses even though they are indoors. He shakes Giorgio's outstretched hand by squeezing unpleasantly hard. He also very suddenly, and very roughly wrenches Giorgio's arm sideways, throwing the brunette off balance in surprise.

"Woah!" Says Giorgio, keeping a friendly facade as he tries not to roll his eyes at the obvious power move. "Strong man."

"Yeah brah, I lift every day." Brad starts to shake Evan's hand. But before he can pull the same move, he lets out a shrill whine as his fingers are being crushed at the mid joints.

"Oh! Pardonnez-moi! [Pardon me!]" Evan exclaims innocently, as he releases the other man's hand after hearing a mild pop. _You're lucky I don't break all your fingers for touching my partner like that._ "I hope that was not too rough for you!" He says flexing his fingers. "They call it 'stripper's pole grip'."

Giorgio tries not to smile _too_ much, as he knows his partner isn't the least bit sorry. "What do you do for work?" He asks, knowing that Brad would not complain about his inflamed fingers in a show of strength.

"I'm... a DJ. You two gay bros were totally digging my set right?" The stocky man says trying to act casually and not move the fingers on his right hand.

Finding out that he is the source of their three and a half hours of suffering, Evan contemplates throwing him off the balcony nearby, but there are way too many witnesses.

"Best tracks I've heard in ages." Giorgio says, hoping that it doesn't sound as sarcastic as he means.

Brad blathers on about his 'music' for far too long, with Nicolai nodding and commenting in approval. Deciding that not only was he a nuisance, but a hindrance from extracting useful intel from the target, Giorgio decides that the team should retire for the night with their migraines.

* * *

Back in the duo's suite, Sarah joins them to debrief progress.

"So, my scouting run was very brief— but I found out that Nicolai's room is always guarded. Based on the rotations, the room is always guarded by two inside and two outside." She shares with creased eyebrows.

"The music?" Asks Evan.

She nods her head begrudgingly.

Giorgio massages his temples. "So sneaking in to access laptop files is a high risk option." Any methods utilising force against those bodyguards would alert Nicolai and his contacts to law enforcement, and their element of surprise would be lost...

"We only really got vague answers out of him." Evan shares dejectedly. "He's associated with _a_ major bank in Astigos, but we don't know which one. A flaming douchebag interrupted us."

They all let out long drawn out sighs. Besides their suffering, it has not felt like a productive night.

"Chin up boys… we've at least made contact with the target." Comforts Sarah. "We can attempt to extract solid evidence with who he makes trades with tomorrow. Then, we can eliminate him quietly." She says, not bothering to reiterate that they still haven't thought of _how_ to kill Nicolai discreetly. Morale was already at an all-time low without her being a worrywart as per usual...

With that, the trio decided to regroup and strategize in the morning.

* * *

As they were posing as a couple, the honeymoon suite the VSSE had booked entailed them to share a lavish king double bed.

Giorgio ran his hand over the bed sheets he was sitting on. _The thread count on these must be excessively high_. He lay down for a while pawing at it occasionally as he stared at the beautiful yellow night lights from the surrounding bay out the balcony window. Evan had let him shower first, and now he had time to kill before he could hit the lights off.

 _I bet there's complimentary magazines in here somewhere_.He was particularly interested in finding a culinary one to explore the impressive Brazilian cuisine _._ He began searching the bedside table drawers. A bottle of water and a hairbrush in the first. Stationary, notepads, and an advanced colouring book for adults in the second. _Third time's the charm… the hell is this?_

He took out a heavy, cylindrical, bright purple object eyeing it with curiosity. _Seems excessively large for a flashlight._ It had a small switch at the bottom.

With a click it suddenly snapped to life, wobbling and vibrating furiously. "AH!" Realising what it was, Giorgio had made his second mistake of the night and dropped the offensive object on the floor.

It shook and wobbled away, slamming into wooden furniture as it made its way around the room.

"Hey Giorgio, what was that?" Evan called from the bathroom.

"N- Nothing!" He yelled. "Take your time ok?!" He said eyeing the bathroom door.

"Oh? But I'm almost done."

"JUST STAY IN THERE." His face flushed red. Giorgio ran after the monstrosity as it did another lap around the room. He lunged down to grab it, but it vigorously wobbled free from his grasp and slapped him across the face. "FIGLIO DI PUTTANA! [YOU MOTHERFUCKER!]" He swore, as it jittered around the room again in its newfound freedom.

"Quoi? [What?] Seriously, what are you doing?!" Evan asked from the other side as he turned the door knob.

However, it refused to give as he tried to push it open. Giorgio had ran to the study desk, grabbed its chair and slammed it under the bathroom door knob with the speed of a light flickering on and off.

His partner rarely swore so colourfully, so he figured he'd come out from his shower sooner to help. Evan started bashing the door open with his shoulder.

Resuming the chase between cat and snake, Giorgio lunged down to swipe at it, missing. "Santa merda del cazzo [holy fucking shit] just stay still." He hissed at it. The device's movements were extremely random at best, making capture a difficult goal.

He lunged down again slamming the floor, but it sidewinded away from yet again. He froze as the bathroom door banged open with Evan standing in the doorway staring at the scene before him.

"I… this… this isn't what it looks like!" Giorgio exclaimed in panic, disliking how cliché the line he used sounded to his own ears.

"So… you're not on your hands and knees… chasing a massive purple schlong?" Evan asked slowly.

"..."

Silence filled the air except for the sounds of buzzing and the occasional banging as the purple object found furniture to smack into. Giorgio's face felt like it was glowing red, not unlike molten steel. He proceeded to give a logical, articulate explanation for the situation. "I- I- no- magazines."

Evan calmly retrieves the washing basket from the bathroom and herds the offending object into it. Scooping it up, he checks below before hurling it off the balcony. Walking to the bedside table on the _other_ side of the bed. He opens the first drawer and takes out a culinary magazine and holds it up in a teasing manner. "You mean you were looking for this? Still doesn't explain things though, and I don't think it turned itself on."

The blonde was savouring the delicious shade of red his partner's cheeks had turned. In the entire length of their partnership he has never seen Giorgio so heavily flustered before.

Giorgio found no words which allowed him to salvage his pride. "..." The thought of explaining that he, an almost 30 year old grown man, genuinely didn't know what it was— would be exactly like someone digging the same grave but with a different shovel.

Unable to keep his composure, Evan burst out into a fit of laughter holding his sides as he shook.

Giorgio slunk back onto a nearby wall burying his face in his hands.

"It was flopping around like a fish on deck!" His partner exclaimed in between laughter. "Was it too slippery for you?! HAHAHAHA!"

Giorgio slid onto the floor and curled up into a ball underneath the bed.

"Oh.. Non! No! Giorgio…" Said Evan. He suddenly panicked as he realised that if his partner was too embarrassed to even look at him, he probably wouldn't want to go exploring together with him _after_ the mission was over... His mother had always warned him: 'Tease too much, and your friends won't want to play with you anymore.'

The thought of spending their vacation time in Rio separately made his stomach knot. He dragged Giorgio out from under the bed by the waist as if he was holding a large house cat. "I wasn't laughing _at_ you, I was laughing with you!" He coaxed.

"..." Giorgio had not so much as cracked a smile since the entire fiasco had started.

Sensing how sceptical he was, he opted to change the subject. "Come here." He said, not bothering to wait. He started dragging his still balled up partner where the carpet just met the marble of the balcony. "Let's gaze at the stars and plan our adventures for when this mission is over!"

Listening to his partner excitedly chirping about what activities they could get up to, Giorgio eventually unfurls himself to lie on his back and look at the twinkling stars in the dark blue sky. After a while, he joins in Evan's chatter as the gentle night breeze pleasantly cools his burning face.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **-A big thank you to Lilium00 for spotting a spelling derp and helping me with French grammar!**

 **-Evan and Giorgio's undercover last name 'Orso' is a play on Evan's last name 'Bernard' both meaning 'bear'.**

 **-I've described Sarah in a fair amount of detail for any readers who aren't familiar with the very obscure mobile game she's featured in...**

 **-Now that the major players have been introduced and reconnaissance has happened, the action side will pick up!**


	3. Puppet Show

**Puppet Show**

Giorgio and Evan enjoy a luxurious breakfast as they continue discussing which activities to queue for their vacation. Freshly baked Pão de queijo [Brazilian cheese puff rolls] have a pleasantly spongy and slightly gooey texture to bite into, as they are made with tapioca flour and parmesan. Tropical fruits have been fanned out on an ornate platter. Papaya, mango, watermelon, starfruit and guava halves make a colourful tapestry.

The rabanada [Brazilian style French toast] surprises them both with a familiar friend, the outside has been dusted with cinnamon sugar, while the inside has a thin layer of tres leches. Little cups of um pingo [black coffee] pairs wonderfully with the sweet treat.

"So!" Evan says happily continuing their discussion as he uses the back of his hand to wipe the watermelon juice off his mouth. "There's the Sucuri River which we can snorkel in, the water is a super crystal clear cyan."

"Don't forget a day for the hand gliding on Sugar Loaf Mountain." Giorgio suggests thoughtfully before he sips the last of his coffee.

"Oh! And! And! We can race our motorcycles along the coast and up the mountains!" Evan beams. "Then another day we can do some scuba diving in the ocean to see the coral reefs~"

Giorgio nods at Evan with a smile. "Okay, game plan for today. We get Nicolai's trade lists in the morning. We get back for lunch, and plan on how to dispose of that self-absorbed trash and then at his party in the evening we carry it out."

"Boom! The next day we can start our vacation adventures!" Evan proclaims raising the piece of starfruit on his fork triumphantly. "Mission accomplished in time for day three of Carnaval do Brasil!"

* * *

With Nicolai's favourite wrist-watch bugged with a tracker from the previous night, Giorgio and Evan tail Nicolai from a lengthy distance in an inconspicuous car.

Evan drives to an off track road which goes through a forest. Palm trees and tall figs adorned with orchids and attaching plantlets make the canopy. Slithering tree roots and large strappy leafed plants litter the soft tropical ground. He pulls over when he finds a spot with enough vegetation to hide the vehicle.

"This is good." Says Giorgio, looking up from his phone which display's the target's position from theirs. "Any more driving after him will look suspicious. How do you feel about nature hikes?" He asks an already smirking Evan.

They take a stealthy route off-track to avoid running into people, and it pays off when they spot an isolated aeroplane hangar by the coast.

"Sarah, we have a visual on one of his transport facilities." Giorgio reports to his mouth piece.

"Ok great, I'm loading a floor plan and live thermal visuals for myself." In her hotel room back at the Limão no Coco, Sarah accesses a satellite to overlay a thermal image feed to the floor plan of the hanger. "Go around to the east side, personnel on the site have left a fire escape door unattended."

"Good one, Sarah!" Evan cheers as they advance forward.

Once inside, Sarah gives them ample warning to avoid patrolling thugs as they navigate the walkways and halls. When they finally reach the executive office, Evan pulls out a flash drive and sticks it into the USB port of a laptop.

The screen flashes on, and loading bars start appearing and rapidly progressing.

[100% of files downloaded]

[VSSE Prometheus spyware successfully installed. Remote access of this network is enabled when online.]

[You may safely remove the USB device now.]

Evan retrieves the device and gives it an affectionate pat before tucking it away. With all the intel that they needed in their hands now, this means that they'll be able to progress with assassinating Nicolai soon.

For now however, they need to get back to the hotel undetected.

The duo enter a corridor from where they've entered from- and Giorgio spots a patrolling thug in time. He ducks behind some crates pulling Evan with him.

"Yeesh!" Exclaims Sarah. "Don't run so fast Evan! I need to give you a clear route first!"

Evan gives his unamused partner a sheepish look and whispers an apology back to his mouth-piece. "Sorry, got excited."

"That's ok! Just be patient…" She trailed off, knowing that it wasn't the blonde's strong suite. "Now in the next five metres, take a left and hide until the upcoming guards walk past you guys."

However, the guards make themselves comfortable, leaning themselves on the walls nearby to talk to each other about their Carnaval plans for what seems like an eternity.

Evan frowns and scrunches his fists. _Yeah and if you dipsticks get out of here, we can make our own Carnaval plans as well._

Giorgio senses what his partner is displeased about and gives him a comforting nudge.

Evan exhales and leans against his partner a little, calming down. Until.

One guard asks the other. "Did you hear what Nicolai said this morning? It was fucking hilarious!"

The other one huffs. "If you mean how he's constantly bragging about how much wealthier he is than we are…"

"No, no, no. I mean how he said he invited a couple to his party last night, and he plans to sleep with the male model." The guard snorts.

 _Quoi? With Giorgio?_ Evan perks up, frown back up on his face.

"Sure why not?" The other guard laughs, humouring his friend. "If that model wants an expensive handbag, like all the other women who sleep with Nicolai— I'm sure he'll spread his legs!"

Giorgio is intensely staring daggers at the man's head through the wooden crate he's hiding behind. _I can kill you using_ _ **just**_ _a handbag, you little shit._

The silently fuming duo stay hidden for another hour before the idiotic pair finally finish taking their overextended lunch break.

* * *

"Freaking finally!" Evan curses in agitation, when they are both out of the hangar and making their way back to the car.

"Woah, Evan." Sarah remarks at his uncharacteristically harsh tone. "On the bright side, it beats that three hour wait you both did last night at the party."

"I'm not angry at those dipsticks, I'm angry at that human-sized turd Nicolai." Evan growls.

"Oh?" Giorgio asks, surprised.

"That jerk! —" Evan explains turning to him. "— is planning something like that with you, but he already knows we're both pretend-married to each other!"

Giorgio snorts, highly amused at Evan's anger at a planned infidelity.

"The hell does he think he is? I'm your best option!" Evan adds.

 _Hmph, so cocky._ "Well…" Says Giorgio. "You are in the top three."

Sarah gasps through their earpieces. "Huuuuuuh noo…"

"Wait, what? Who are the other two?!" Evan squawks, completely taken by surprise.

"...Richard Miller, and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson." Giorgio says in a carefree tone. "They both smoulder when they smile."

"Bu—" Evan doesn't finish his sentence and stops walking.

Giorgio notices 'it' too and halts, giving his partner a nod.

Moments later, a loud crash sends the jungle dirt up in the air. A large projectile has hit the floor not far in front of them.

"Guys! What was that?!" Sarah worries.

"That... looks like a battle-axe." Giorgio coolly explains as he draws his weapon from its holster.

The massive axe is almost two metres in length from handle to weapon top. It has impossibly large blades on either side of the pole, each blade spanning an arm's length.

"What is this, the Viking Ages?!" Evan comments, calmly readying his gun as well and about to charge forward to investigate the weaponry.

"Pare aí!" A strange high pitched voice calls at them.

Uh oh. The agents raise their heads up to see a figure emerge from the lush foliage of the jungle. There's a red-haired hand puppet in a suit and bowtie. From the waist down, he becomes a bald man wearing all black. Scrawny and sickly looking, his appearance is not helped by his sunken eyes, eye bags and hollow cheeks. It's as if the puppet itself has sucked all the vigour out of its master.

With the attention satisfactorily turned onto him. The puppet boldly announces himself with a voice that sounds like Mickey Mouse and Bert from Sesame Street— had a love child, who then fell into meth at an early age.

"Senhoras e senhores! Eu sou Fantoche e isto é Ventríloquo. Coloque as mãos juntas e envie-nos seu aplauso estrondoso. Pois este é o maior e último show que você verá, seguindo-o - você morrerá entretido. Nós somos Os Artistas. Que as festividades nunca acabem."

Throughout the entire speech, the puppeteer himself has not so much as moved his lips. His glassy eyes don't focus on anything in particular, making him seem truly soulless.

 _Well that's not extremely unnerving at all._ Evan thinks.

While it's extremely tempting to ignore the crazy hand puppet and ventriloquist duo and play the 'I'm a lost tourist' card to get out of there— the bald man _is_ lugging a _Thompson submachine gun_ with his free hand. He's also quite possibly the one who has launched the axe at them earlier.

Giorgio notes the classic heavy American-gangster weapon with the circular, 50 round ammunition drum attachment. However, it's barely being held up by the weak looking man. It makes the agent sceptical at his own hypothesis. _You're not together with an actual person are you? You look too damn weak to have thrown that axe yourself..._

"Vocês são policiais? Me respondam seus porcos!" The little puppet screams at them.

Evan shoots Giorgio a confused look before turning to speak to the strange man. "Uhhh parlez-vous francais? [Do you speak French?]"

Giorgio adds. "Or English, Italiano. We even learned a little bit of Russian from the time we went there."

"And we learned some Chinese off an action movie too!" Evan chirps.

"Evan, our Chinese is so broken it wouldn't help."

"But-gor gnor hor yi gong dong wah! [But I can speak Cantonese!]" Evan protests, heavily off tone.

Giorgio winces. "Please stop."

The little puppet sticks his hand up. "Wait! Shut up you pricks. I can do English! I can do English!"

"Oh yaaaay." Evan says flatly. _Crazy speaks English_. _Whoop-de-doo._

The puppet rehashes the entire speech it had given just before in Portuguese.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! I am Fantoche and this is Ventríloquo." The puppet gestures to his lifeless human. "Put your hands together, and send us your thunderous applause. For this is the greatest and last show you will ever see, following it— you will die entertained. _We are The Performers_. May the festivities never end."

"Oh great." Says Evan. "Now that we actually understood it that was much more cryptic."

"Gimme that you weakling!" Fantoche screams at Ventríloquo. The puppet rips the Thompson machine gun from the ventriloquist's other hand and begins firing the weapon with his own little puppet hands. Bullets spray at the agents in successive bangs.

"MORRER! [DIE!]"

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **-The special USB Evan uses is named after a titan in Roman mythology. Prometheus steals fire from the Gods to keep the humans down on earth warm.**

 **-With all the guns I've researched between this fic and VSSE Blues, I'm pretty sure I'm on a government watch-list now...**


	4. Ring Around the Rosie

**Ring Around the Rosie**

 **[Ring Around the Rosie, a pocket full of posies. A tissue, a tissue, we all fall down.]**

"Evan, down!" Giorgio yells as he rolls down to take cover behind a thick and sturdy tree.

Evan slides behind a large rock in time as he hears bullets patter the ground behind him.

Sarah's panicked voice sounded in their ears. "Sorry for the lack of warning! The only part of him that's giving a heat signature is his hand— I thought it was a small animal!" She enhances the thermal video of the battle ground, the man known as Ventríloquo was as cold as the forest around him...

"It's ok, Sarah!" Evan comforts her. "It's not your fault that this guy is such a CREEP!"

Evan and Giorgio took turns firing at the puppet master when the puppet targeted the other of the duo with machine gun fire.

Fantoche shoots bullets in Evan's direction. As the blonde hides, Giorgio takes this as his queue to peek out from his cover and shoots Ventríloquo in the chest several times.

The bald man does not even flinch.

"..." _Ok then. With that tight turtleneck he's wearing, I don't think there's a bullet proof vest under there..._ Giorgio is unpleasantly surprised at how hardy the weak looking man is. "Yup I'm thinking creepy might even be an understatement here."

Fantoche cackles as he fires at Giorgio this time. "Ha ha ha ha! To think that I would be so lucky! In that a routine check-up of that base would allow me the _joy_ of slaughtering two hapless wanderers!"

"Tsk!" Giorgio finishes reloading, only to duck again behind a tree. Narrowly avoiding a volley of bullets which shred nearby vegetation foliage to ribbons.

Evan shoots Ventríloquo at the head and chest with his trigger-happy rapid fire. A bullet makes a bloody hole in the ventriloquist's ear but yields no reaction from the man. The same for the bullets which enter his chest. However, the last bullet flies slightly off mark and towards the hand puppet.

Ventríloquo's eyes widen and he swivels his body to catch the shot with his back, protecting Fantoche.

Evan raises an eyebrow. "What the …?!" He shakes off his confusion and continues shooting. "Huh! Nicolai sure knows how to pick 'em!"

Fantoche lets out a loud cackle. "HAHAHAHA You think I work for that pathetic weakling? That fucker is merely a means to an end for our boss." Clicks can be heard from his machine gun as the ammunition is completely spent.

"Oh? Who's your boss?" Evan asks, intrigued.

"You know too much already, you tricky fucker! Instead—" He pauses, as he drops his Thompson machine gun. He picks up the great battle-axe that is sticking out of the ground. "—Let me, AXE you a question! Would you like to be cut in half like the pigs you are?!"

"No fucking way." Giorgio hisses, not as a response to the question— but as a reaction to the puppet as it lifts the axe out of the ground with his little hands.

Ventríloquo has not made any changes to his blank expression, not so much as a grunt, as his puppet hand hoists the gigantic weapon out of the dirt with ease.

"How are you lifting more than two hundred kilograms with one arm?" Giorgio asks Ventríloquo.

Fantoche screams at him as he raises the axe behind his head to swing it down. "Talk to the hand!"

Giorgio dodges to the left, as it cleaves a fallen tree in half. He and Evan shoot Ventríloquo in the ribs several times, before the crazed duo retrieve the axe from the ground.

"Seus filhos da puta! [You fuckers!]" Fantoche screams in annoyance. "You're putting too many fucking holes in my meat shield!" He swings his axe horizontally, and Giorgio only manages to duck just in time. A narrow tree behind him crashes to the ground.

The brunette shoots while sidewinding backwards. He leads them to where the trees are clustered more tightly together, to limit the mad duo's ability to swing horizontally.

"Oh no!" Sarah exclaims in the duo's ear pieces.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Giorgio asks as he takes cover.

"Four heat signatures are moving out of the airport hangar to the path which goes down the road near you. If they come too close, they'll hear the gunfire from the battle and they'll discover both of you!"

 _Merde!/ Merda! [Shit!]_. Evan and Giorgio think in their respective languages. Even if they can gun them down before they alert other personnel, four missing people will certainly make Nicolai suspicious to law enforcement activity.

"How much time?" Giorgio asks.

"Three minutes before they are in hearing range of gunshots to your location!"

"Got it!"

"Ok. We've riddled this guy with so many bullets- HOW is he not going down?!" Evan shouted from the tree stump he was using as cover.

"..." Giorgio's eyebrows kneaded together. "I don't know, not counting all the other hits— I've shot him in the heart three times now!"

"What?!" Evan yelled back. "I got him in the heart at least once too!"

' _At least'_. Knowing Evan was being humble for once, that meant his partner had hit him twice in the heart. _Five bullets to the heart in total counting mine. How in the hell?_ "This makes no sense!" He muttered in annoyance.

Evan runs to Ventríloquo and slams a foot into the back of his knee, making the bald man drop to the ground. The blonde slides back to dodge an axe swing to his head and runs to Giorgio to tell him something.

"You can't run forever!" Fantoche screams as he cleaves another tree in half.

After a short chase, Giorgio stops running to take a stance and shoots at Ventríloquo's head.

All three shots clang as they ricochet off the battle axe Fantoche has put up. The crazed pair has caught up with the brunette agent who is now backed up against a large tree.

"AHAHAHA! You've cornered yourself, a pig to the slaughter!" Fantoche cackles victoriously, he winds his battle-axe behind himself to swing it down on Giorgio, his target unable to move out of the way this time. "MORRER! [DIE!]"

A single bang can be heard. But the axe has not moved.

The little puppet gasps. "GUH…" Looking down at his own torso, blood has started streaming down his little puppet suit-shirt. Giorgio has shot Fantoche in the chest. _But… but how?!_ He turns his head around to see what has halted his trusted axe from cleaving his shooter in time.

Evan is pushing the shoulder of the battle axe, the area before the haft meets the blades, downwards with all his strength and weight, burying the blade into soft dirt. "Heh... Got to hand it to you. You're pretty freaking strong. But we figured we'd stop the axe at the start of the swing before you could get any actual inertia."

"When it's behind you… is where your leverage is also at its weakest." Giorgio explained.

"YOU—!" Fantoche flares angrily.

With another bang, Evan has shot the puppet in the back of his chest. The blonde shrugs at the puppet. "Physics, bitch."

Fantoche crashes to the ground, Ventríloquo following. "You bastards! YOU BASTARDS! I don't wanna die— I don't wanna die! There's so many people I want to kill! So many guts to slice out, to play wi—"

With another bang, Giorgio has shot him yet again. "Shut up. Your mouth is filthier than a sewage pipe."

Fantoche lets out a few gurgles as he goes limp, finally ceasing.

Ventríloquo dies smiling, blood freely flowing from his bullet wounds. Eyes wide open, looking more alive than ever.

"..."

"Ugh… So, so creepy." Comments Evan. "... Should we… you know?"

"Hm?"

"Should we do the thing, where we roll his eyelids shut?""

"... Usually, I'd say yes. But I really don't want to touch his face. Let alone any part of him." Giorgio says, wondering if this will give him nightmares.

The pair begrudgingly pick up the body to dispose of. Evan keeps himself on high alert the entire time as they carry it to a beach cliff. Not trusting the body to stay dead, despite Giorgio's words of reassurance.

* * *

Successful in hiding from the four personnel who had exited the hangar, the agents drive back to the hotel with the coast clear.

"Phew…" Sarah breathes. "Okay, thanks to those guards and the freak show, we're off schedule. You'll have to head straight to Nicolai's pool party. After that you can eliminate him."

Giorgio noted the time. It was 2pm. "Tsk." _There goes a peaceful lunch._

"Wait!" Exclaims Evan. "We have the information we need now, so we can kill Nicolai _at_ his pool party!"

Sarah frowned in her room. "Evan, we can't just kill him in plain sight…!"

This time, it's Giorgio's turn to be enthusiastic. "Oh! We can. After a few drinks..."

"In a window when no one is paying attention to him, I'll hold him underwater." Evan finishes.

Sarah gasped. It was a _very_ bold plan. But, fortune favours the bold.

* * *

 **[The** **Limão no Coco** **Hotel]**

Giorgio and Evan make conversation with Nicolai and Brad. Nicolai hands the pair drinks and brags about his latest motor purchase. The _Lamborghini Molot_ , an extremely rare motorcycle worth $70,000 USD.

"Hey bruh, wanna see a magic trick?" Brad asks Evan.

Not really, but Evan needs to separate the annoying man from Nicolai so there are no witnesses. Getting along with him was necessary to do that unfortunately. "Sure! I love magic!" He forcefully makes himself beam. Evan pecks Giorgio on the temple before they walk away.

* * *

They stroll to a box covered in cloth sitting on a table. The forward facing veil has a star printed on it. "Stare at the star and I'll magic up an illusion!" Proclaims Brad.

Evan does as he is told. After hearing the self-proclaimed DJ's 'music', his expectations for the 'magic trick' are at the bottom of the ocean floor.

"You are geeeetting veeeeery sleeeeepy braaaaah."

Evan forces himself not to roll his eyes at the cliché line, and at being called what is sounding progressively more like ladies undergarments rather than 'bro'.

Suddenly, a motor roars to life as a white cloud of air explodes forth from the box blasting Evan in the face. Evan yelps as he closes his eyes, which he hasn't shut in time.

Brad bursts out into laughter at his prank.

The blonde doesn't share his reaction, instead he's coughing the offending substance out of his lungs.

* * *

Nicolai is boasting about his non-existent pectoral muscles to Giorgio.

Oh wow. Thinks Giorgio. He wonders why he has a buzzed feeling, and it's certainly not from listening to Nicolai's pec-talk. The Drunk-me-not pills have never failed him before. And even if that was the case, two small drinks should not make him feel this giddy. _Better let Sarah know, and I need to get myself to Evan just in case…_

"You'll have to excuse me for a bit, Nicolai. I just need to freshen myself up a bit. Ciao." Giorgio says waving his fingers with a smile, turning to briskly walk away before Nicolai can protest.

* * *

"Ev— Eugene!" Giorgio shouts, having just arrived to see his partner in distress. He holds one of his partner's arms, unsure of what to do. "Eugene, I'm here."

"Gugh…" Evan's tearing eyes are winced shut in pain and Giorgio grabs onto his hands to stop him from rubbing his red eyes any more.

Seeing that neither of them are laughing, Brad starts to feel offended. "Come on! _It's just a prank bro!"_

 _Normal flour would not be irritating the eyes and lungs so badly._ "What did you do?" Giorgio asks with a calm coldness that makes sends a chill down Brad's spine.

Although he'd normally deflect the blame by calling his prank victims killjoys or wimps, the way Brad is being stared at makes him believe that he is a mouse being frozen by the gaze of a viper.

"What did you do?" Giorgio asks with a dangerous tone in his voice. The viper can puncture the mouse in seconds.

Unable to take the pressure anymore Brad blurts out. "I— I put designer cocaine in a leaf blower!"

Giorgio's eyes widen.

* * *

Having escorted Evan to a public bathroom to wash off the powder on his face, they're now back at the suite.

"Sarah... Bad news."

Sarah's worried voice answers through Giorgio's earpiece. "More?!"

"You know... How… I said I was... feeling really tipsy before?"

"Yes?" She squeaks, noting that his speech has greatly slowed. The agent had already told her that Evan was taken out of action.

Evan's pained groans have transitioned into giddy laughter in the background. "Gugh… ugh...ha... Ha ha HAHAHA!" His eyes open to show heavily dilated pupils as he laughs.

Giorgio finishes breaking out the extra bad news. "Not... sure how…. took the not-drunk pill earlier… about... to... pass out..." He can't make out Sarah's panicked questions however. The words sound distorted to his ears— deep and stretched out.

The last thing he sees before his world turns black, is Evan's laughing face as he stares at him with his euphoric, bloodshot blue eyes.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **-I've recovered from my stupid head cold, so hopefully more updates this week to make up for last week's lack of :D**

 **-I imagined Ventríloquo to look like a emaciated Steve Jobs... While Fantoche is a bit of a potty-mouthed 1920's gangster in a suit.**

 **-Do Google the _Lamborghini Molot, it is the most gorgeous motorcycle to ever exist._ **


	5. Hide and Seek

**Hide and Seek**

* * *

From the moment the battle with Fantoche and Ventríloquo had ended, Sarah had been burying herself in the review of Nicolai's transaction history.

His shady dealings finally revealed. Investments from one of Astigos' major banking companies, favours with politicians, trades with organised crime, and trades with unorganised crime…

She looked at the weapons he supplied. Russian guns and assorted ordnance from his home country. _Good thing the VSSE has close ties with the Russian police already._

She stopped. _What's this?_ There was a program the Prometheus spyware allowed her live access to on Nicolai's laptop. She opened the program.

 **[MIDAS' TOUCH: 71: 25: 08]**

 _A countdown timer for roughly three days away. That's really foreboding._

Her earpiece buzzed with an incoming transmission.

"Come in, Sarah. Bruno here."

"Sarah here!" She confirmed. "Go ahead Giorgio."

"I just split off from Nicolai. I don't know why, but I'm feeling really giddy— all I had was the one drink he gave me." He said, unsure if the Drunk-me-nots were the culprit themselves.

"Affirmative. You and Evan should regroup and wait it out for a little while, just in case."

"Okay. Hopefully Evan isn't feeling the same effects." Giorgio added.

"We have all night to take out Nicolai." Sarah coaxed. "Don't worry!"

* * *

Sarah's heart hammered against nearby organs in her chest. _OKAY. Stay calm. Stay calm. Giorgio's passed out and Evan's on cocaine. BUT EVERYTHING'S FINE._

Giorgio and Evan had left the party so abruptly. There was no telling how someone as shallow as Nicolai would take it. _Probably as a slight._ She figured as she bit her thumb nervously.

She had read his profile a thousand times over. Nicolai had no problem in severing friendships over perceived slights, no matter how small they were. He had severed ties with his former best friend (of over a decade), because the friend had accidently worn the same outfit to one of his parties.

 _We need to maintain a close relationship with him in order to have an opportunity to eliminate him._

She threw on a bikini with a sarong, taking a small shoulder bag with her to the pool party.

"I'm going in."

* * *

Sarah took a sip of her mocktail drink, and almost spit it out when she saw Nicolai.

The scrawny man was in a pair of very oversized swim trunks, they were an intensely Barbie-pink, studded with shiny blue sequins with gold chains printed all over them. _So this was what Giorgio meant by 'visual vomit'._

The operative herself was in a bikini with a purple camouflage print. An orchid flower was in her hair that was braided to the side.

She introduced herself to him as soon as he had ogled her for long enough. "Oh? You must be the _handsome_ Nicolai. Gigi and Eugene aren't feeling too well, poor babies… They didn't want you to be lonely without them, so they sent their prettiest _model_ friend in their place. I hope you don't mind?" She asked with a slight pout to her lips.

Nicolai shook his head side to side vigorously. _This must be the hot babe that the bros mentioned!_

As he led her away, Sarah looked back at the hotel. She had put a 'Do not disturb' tag on their door and locked it. She trusted that even on cocaine, Evan would not do anything to hurt his partner. She had to.

* * *

Evan's fit of maniacal laughter finally stopped when he caught Giorgio, who had just fallen forward unconscious. "Huh? Awww ne t'endors pas! Je voulais jouer~ [Awww don't fall asleep! I wanted to play~]".

He nuzzles Giorgio's face with his own, as he swings his ragdoll of a partner side to side. The brunette's limp arms sway with the momentum. "Uwah! Giorgio, je t'aime! Je t'aime! [Giorgio, I love you! I love you!] Ha ha ha!"

 _Lots and lots!_ Thinks Evan. He holds his partner in a princess carry, and plants a big, sloppy kiss on the side of his face. "Reste ici ok? Je vais chercher des 'trucs' pour nous~ [Stay right here ok? I'm going to get 'stuff' for us~]"

Evan tosses his limp partner onto the bed.

Giorgio's body ragdolls from the bounce after impact, but he remains sleeping nonetheless.

After Evan finds that the suite door won't open for some reason, he heads for the balcony.

* * *

Giorgio's head felt very heavy. And for some reason, the hotel pillow felt a lot firmer than he remembered, it did have a nice, familiar smell though.

And it had the ability to soothingly rise and fall. _Huh?_

With great effort, he willed his heavy eyelids to open. "Evan?" He was sleeping against his partner, tucked underneath Evan's chin.

Did they finish the mission? His memory is a blur and for some reason, they are enclosed by a small room made entirely out of the blankets.

"Evan, wake up." Giorgio gently shakes his partner.

"Unngg." A small groan escapes Evan. The comfortable thing that was snug on top of him, is calling out his name and being kind of annoying now. _Stay still comfortable thing... My head kills and I'm really freaking tired._

"Evan! Evan, wake u—" Giorgio felt his head being firmly pushed back down against his partner. "..."

He supposed it wouldn't hurt to rest until the grogginess left them both.

* * *

Sarah had called in the VSSE 'Ghost Unit' for Giorgio and Evan's room.

This unit wasn't for tactical assaults or hostage rescue operations. It was in fact, a cleaning unit.

Evan had been caught off guard by the fact that they existed at all when he first encountered them as a newbie.

"What?" Snarked Germaine, the unit leader. "You think, after the two of you grim reapers go on a bloody rampage— the dead bodies would just clean themselves up and _disappear_ into thin air?"

The unit's primary function was to recover evidence and enemy technology off bodies for the VSSE, after the field agents had completed their jobs. Their secondary function was ensuring covert missions stayed covert. Sometimes they would repair furniture broken from a scuffle, repaint walls, or remove blood stains. Usually it was a combination of the three.

"Boss?" A member asked.

"Yeah. What?" Germaine answered, a bit roughly.

"Don't we usually clean up _after_ missions?"

"We had an operator call us for an emergency covert clean. Maybe some idiot accidentally discharged a weapon." Germaine explained to the newer staff member.

The crew arrived dressed as hotel cleaning staff, opening the door to the agents' suite.

"WHAT. THE FUCK!" Germaine screamed. It was still morning, he was not prepared for this. They entered the room which had rose petals scattered all over the floor and furniture.

An entire wall had been spray painted with an impressive mural. It was an angel with 'VSSE' printed alongside her. "Thanks for telling the world about our secret organisation you stupid assholes!" Germaine grumbled.

Chris the newbie looked at a massive bronze sword which ran through the sofa. It also had a pair of pants hanging off it. "I think... that was part of a statue… somewhere." _But we're on the twenty third floor._

"Oh gross. Check this out guys, there's a tone of dead bugs on the table. These guys are bat-shit crazy!" Another staff commented.

Germaine gives an extremely irritated exhale. His job can never be easy, can it? "Enough gawking! We better start working our asses off _now_ if we want the reset done by tonight!"

"Yes sir!" The unit chorused.

* * *

Giorgio's eyes slowly open again. Granted his head still feels like shit, at least he can lift it now. He gently clambers off his partner causing Evan to stir. It finally wakes him as well.

"Come on Evan, let's go. We're on a mission remember?"

Evan gives out a pathetic whimper, his head in throbbing pain. Nonetheless, he rolls onto his belly to follow Giorgio in an army-crawl out of the strange, small room they're both in.

The agents' look up to see Sarah at the coffee table poking away at things on its built in screen.

"You're both awake!" She exclaims in relief as the agents emerge from a neat structure made from blankets and pillows.

"Sarah, what time is it? We need to hurry and get to Nicolai's pool party." Giorgio asks, thankful that Sarah has not questioned his dignity. Not only did he emerge from a _pillow fort_ of all places, he was also not wearing pants for some reason. _At least the underwear hasn't come off._ A small saving grace, he thought.

"That… already happened."

"What." Giorgio said as he pulled the oversized t-shirt over his lap to give himself some more modesty. _Evan must have put me in this..._

"It's as I suspected, she says. I took a blood sample from you while you were asleep and you tested positive for _Rufinol_ in your system. It was from the drink Nicolai gave you. Your memory loss is a symptom of it, and so is the feeling of being very hungover."

"That cazzo [fucker] roofied me!" Giorgio exclaims, as the understanding fully hits him. He winces and puts a hand to his head. _Ahh shouldn't have raised my voice, my head really hurts still._

"You should sleep it off today. You're in no shape for field work…" Sarah suggested. "Evan, how are you feeling?"

"Global warming will kill us all and Santa is a lie." He answered, resting on his belly still on the floor.

"O-kay… That was really dark coming from you. Also a full day of rest for you." She said with raised eyebrows.

"Wait, wait, wait. Why did Nicolai drug him?" Evan asks sluggishly, blinking his still pink eyes.

"There was none of the Rufinol in your system. And judging by the conversations picked up by the bugs I placed at his party, both your covers are still intact." She let out a large exhale. "I believe he was attempting to take advantage of Giorgio."

"...That's it." Evan states. He drags his tired body towards the suite door like a caterpillar.

"Evan where are you going?"

"I'm going to end that slimy _putain [fucker]_ right now." He answers.

"Evan stop. What are you going to do? Bite his ankles?" Sarah reasons, accidently quoting a Monty Python skit.

Giorgio snorts. "You laugh, but this guy bites pretty hard." Seeing a raised eyebrow directed at him, he adds. "Never mind."

Evan is edging closer and closer to the door, but he stops when he sees Giorgio's feet in front of him.

"Evan. Stop." Giorgio coaxes gently. "Neither of us are in any condition to take him out, let alone walk. We both need to rest up before this happens, and then— we'll do this together like we always do."

"..." Evan stops and allows Giorgio under an arm and Sarah under another to be brought up onto the bed.

Sarah offers him comfort as well. "Don't worry Evan. After we wrap this up, you two can get up to mischief while I go touring with the new friend I made."

When Evan comfortably tucks himself in, his serious expression softens as he gives Giorgio one last glance before he falls asleep.

* * *

"Out like a light." Says Giorgio, not long after as he finishes reading the cleaning file from the Ghost Unit.

"Well yeah, designer cocaine on an energetic guy is a terrible idea all around." Sarah scoffed. "But- pfff!" She brings the middle of her index finger to her mouth to stifle a laugh.

"But what?" Giorgio asks in curiosity.

"As insane as he was, I think I know the motivations for most of his activities." This time it's Sarah's turn to receive a raised eyebrow. "Okay, so remember when you so _meanly_ told him that you put two people in front of him as your preferred husbands."

"Pretend husbands."

"He made you a little house with the pillow fort and even scattered rose petals everywhere for you. He is so sweet on you."

Giorgio scoffed. _He's a flirty guy, and again, he was on cocaine._

"And that's not all, he knows how much you hate bugs. So he murdered a gross pile of them for you."

"Ah. Just like a loyal housecat."

Sarah shoots him an unimpressed look. "You're really lucky you know? It wouldn't hurt to let him know you appreciate him once in a while."

"Ok, look he _is_ my number one pretend husband, no question. But if I tell him that, his already big head will swell and he won't be able to fit through doorways anymore. See? I'm doing him a favour."

Sarah rolls her eyes at him.

"Okay, explain the sword which was impaling the couch then?" Giorgio asks, to avoid the subject at hand.

"Oh he probably just thought it looked cool."

"That sounds like my Evan."

They share a laugh before Sarah comments. "Anyway, you look like you've been awake for a year."

"Thanks." He deadpanned.

"Off to bed for you as well." She clapped. I'm going to do some more research and then I'm hitting the sack too.

"Goodnight Sarah, rest well." He said earnestly.

With the front door closed, Giorgio clumsily sets himself on the bed knocking the flowing bed canopy. Some stray rose petals fall off from the top of the canopy onto his head. He plucks a red petal from his hair and looks at it. _Huh, just my colour._

It doesn't take him long to fall asleep. After a few hours, he dreams.

* * *

Giorgio is a little boy, on his knees playing with toy cars making revving noises with his mouth. Stuffed animals spectating whatever scene he is directing.

His father, Don Luciano chuckles and sits down on the floor beside him.

Giorgio smiles up at his father, and the man pats him on the top his tiny head.

His father picks up one of the toy cars. "Giorgio, do you remember that thug from the Buscetta family— the one who keyed papa's car? Since he enjoys _keys_ so much, papa had some friends drop a grand piano on him."

"But... I thought we weren't allowed to hit anyone in that family?" A tiny, seven year old Giorgio asked, confused. That's how mama had explained the non-aggression pact in a way he could understand.

Any open hostility with members of that family would instigate an unwanted turf war.

"Oh mio caro. In order to keep it a secret, you get them when they are doing something they _always_ do themselves." His papa explained sweetly. "That stupido idiota always takes that street after he has his morning coffee."

Giorgio's mouth opened as if to say 'Oh!' Understanding the explanation.

"We _did_ kill him." Luciano continues. "But who is going to prove it?" He asks, flicking a little teddy bear so that it slumps to its side.

The morning's light hits his face as he returns from the past. Giorgio wakes up from his dream, taking the perfect way to kill Nicolai with him.

* * *

 **Author's Note: When crack fics involve actual crack...**


	6. Cops and Robbers

**Cops and Robbers**

They had wasted an entire day recovering the day before. From Sarah's laptop speakers, chatter can be heard between Nicolai and his lackeys from all the microphones she had placed in his room.

"Oh man." Groaned Evan. He had finally recovered from the cocaine hangover he had, no thanks to Brad. "Five days gone since we landed. It's the second last day of Carnival do Brasil today." He observed solemnly.

Giorgio shared his frown, they had underestimated their encounters with Nicolai's security, as well as Nicolai himself to an extent. The fight with Ventríloquo was unexpected, and having been drugged by both Nicolai and Brad was not in their calculations.

"Man… we're running out of time! Rrrghh!" Evan growled. "This is such a crisis. A crisis- with a lack of time! A TIME— OF CRISIS. A TIME CRISIS."

"Evan calm down."

"Okay."

Sarah scoffed. "Speaking of an _actual_ crisis…" She said, spinning her laptop around to display the screen. "This is a countdown timer on Nicolai's laptop, for something called 'Midas' Touch'.

"I'm assuming it's a detonating weapon with a large area of effect…" Giorgio speculated. "What _kind_ of weapon is it?"

"The files detailing it are protected by advanced biometric security, VSSE software needs a few hours to hack into it, I'm afraid."

Giorgio furrowed his eyebrows. "Guess we're waiting on that then. If we can't confirm the weapon's details we might need to keep Nicolai alive in order to interrogate him for more information".

Before she can agree with him, a woman's scream can be heard from the laptop speakers. Everyone in the room freezes in silence to hear what is happening in Nicolai's penthouse suite.

* * *

A surly henchman has Uxía by her upper arm.

"Let me go!" She cries. She yelps as she is roughly slammed onto a chair.

Nicolai cackles bitterly. "You know, I was in shock because it happened so suddenly. But now, it's finally sunk in! Now, I know what to do with you!"

Although she is trembling, she is strong enough to find her words. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I don't love you anymore. I can't-"

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BITCH!" He shrieks. "NO ONE! No one dumps _THE_ great Nicolai Vladof! You little whore, you don't know how lucky you were to have me!" A day after his first party, his beautiful model girlfriend had dumped him, it left him so stunned he had not accepted it as fact until now...

"Nicolai please… You have so many other women, you don't need me by your side." She begged. She had turned a blind eye for far too long hoping he'd change for her. He was so good to her when they first met.

She flinches as Nicolai slams his fists on his desk. "Shut up! If I want you as a fucking _decoration_ by my side, you should have been quiet and obedient like one!" He huffs for air, having exerted himself from yelling.

"Wait, wait… You know, this works out perfectly." Nicolai smiled to himself as he bobbed his head up and down like a pigeon, proud at his own idea. "We have a large delivery of weapons going to my drug lord bro." He smirked sadistically. "We'll send you with it now so he can test his new guns on you. Ha ha haaaa!"

Her cries are muffled by the tape a lackey puts over her mouth and all she sees is darkness as a bag goes over her head.

* * *

Sarah's eyes are wide and she covers her mouth with her hands.

"Sarah..." Evan begins. "Are you okay?"

Giorgio gives her a concerned look. It was their jobs to deal with hostage situations all the time, but her reaction did not come from a removed professional.

"Uxía. Her name is Uxía." Sarah explains a bit shakily. "We became friends at Nicolai's first party. I found her crying in the bathroom. She said her boyfriend was always cheating on her with 'thinner models'. Not knowing it was _Nicolai,_ I told her to break up with the jerk..." _This is my fault._ She thought miserably. After they eliminated him, she would have been free of him _anyway._

Giorgio nodded at her explanation. "So this was the new friend you mentioned. We _will_ get her back, Sarah."

Evan nodded enthusiastically. "We're ready for a plan of attack!"

Sarah rubbed an eye that was threatening to spill tears and takes a deep breath, composing herself. "Gentlemen, commencing hostage rescue operation and the sabotage of a weapons delivery convoy."

* * *

The weapons delivery is to Nova Iguaçu, the state north of Rio de Janeiro. The convoy of weapon-filled cargo trucks and black jeeps form a line along the empty highway which winds up and down the mountainous terrain. In some places, the road is really just a narrow ledge surrounded by yellow, rocky slopes.

Their motorcycles rev at full speed until they've caught up to the convoy. The vehicles are VSSE modified _Ducati Superleggeras_. Enhanced with stronger and quiet engines, armoured plating on the hull, and pressure gel in the tires to prevent blowouts.

Giorgio is on top a red model, while Evan of course, is on a blue variant. Sarah is hitching a ride with Evan, determination in her eyes as she peers through the thermal scope of her sub machine gun.

When they're close enough to the convoy, Giorgio lines a shot at the first jeep closest to them and pulls the trigger.

* * *

"What the fuck, man." A lackey in the open roof jeep says to his passengers.

"Are you still pissed at that?" Another thug asks.

"You know what man? I am. Fucking Nicolai is annoying enough sometimes, but for him to send _that_ fucker to babysit the delivery… It's like he doesn't trust us with his shit you know?"

"Well, if we fail to deliver these, we piss off a really nasty drug lord, ha ha. But that 'babysitter' guy shouldn't be too far away now."

Their third man in the back seat chimes in. "Hmph. Well, speaking of the drug lord, I wonder in what way he'll make that pretty girl scream?" They all freeze before bursting out into laughter.

Until the driver's head violently jerks forward and the windscreen in front of him is instantly painted with a splotch of blood. His passengers scream as the jeep swerves off the road and tumbles down the mountain side, crashing against the rocks of the slope.

The men in the next jeep in front are alerted by the sound. "We are being attacked from behind! Shoot back!" Before the lackey riding passenger side can return fire in Giorgio's direction, he's shot twice in the chest by Evan who has crept up very closely on his motorcycle.

The driver screams as he is shot in the right shoulder before he can even begin to reach for his gun.

Sarah jumps from the back of Evan's motorcycle and grabs the open roof rails to swing into the car. Evan clicks the cruise control button on the jeep's steering wheel before overtaking the vehicle.

"What the fuck?!" the driver yells, before he is shot in the head by Sarah at a point blank range.

"Get out of my car." She says coldly, as she throws him out of the driver's seat to assume control of the vehicle.

Evan accelerates to drive on the left side of a massive cargo truck. Pulling out the shotgun he has strapped on his back, he destroys the front tires. As the tires disappear with a deafening pop, he throttles forward to a safe distance as the driver loses control.

The tireless steel of the truck's wheel rims screeches against the road, causing sparks to fly loose as it leaves the road to begin tumbling down the mountainside.

"That's it boys! She's in the second cargo truck!" Sarah says to her mouth piece. She aims the thermal scope of her gun at the truck's cargo hold to track a mass of red and yellow sitting with tied limbs. "Right at the front of the container!"

"Copy that!" Giorgio catches up to Evan to drive to the cargo truck's back door. After giving Evan a nod, they both shift their weight back to raise the front wheels of their motorcycles off the ground in a wheel-stand manoeuvre. With the added height, they stick plastic explosives on the top hinges of the left and right truck doors.

As they return to both wheels on the ground, they stick another set on the lower hinges before pulling away to the sides of the truck.

"Clear!" Giorgio confirms.

Sarah drives her new shiny car to the other lane and presses a remote in her hand.

The truck's doors blow off and become lost to the road behind them.

"I'm going in!" Evan exclaims, as they close in behind the truck again. He presses the cruise control of his motorcycle and Giorgio takes hold of the steering handle. With a leap, Evan is inside the cargo hold.

He runs past boxes of ammunition, assortments of bullets, rockets, and... "Oh hello there~" He says to a box of incendiary grenades. He grabs two to stuff in his pockets.

He reaches Sarah's friend at the front of the hold and pulls the bag off Uxía's head. "Don't worry mademoiselle! We're here to save you!" He says with a grin, he picks her up and slings her around his shoulders in a fireman's carry.

Outside the container, Sarah slams her foot on the breaks and jerks the steering wheel hard to the right. The jeep's tires screech against the road as the car turns backwards. Wasting no time, she shifts the gear into reverse and accelerates to meet the back of her car with the cargo hold opening.

Evan hops into the waiting jeep and sets Uxía onto a seat, safely belting her in. "Hostage secure!" He exclaims happily. "Bon voyage!" He waves at the girls as he jumps out of the car back onto his blue motorcycle.

Sarah shifts her gear back into drive and she accelerates back the way they came taking Uxía away from the battlefield.

Evan lands on his motorcycle and resumes driving. "Oh? A present for me?"

"Yeah." Says Giorgio. "Two dickheads, at eleven o'clock and one o'clock closing in from the front."

Two jeeps from the convoy's front slowdown in order to meet their attackers from either side of the cargo truck.

"Time to say goodbye with a bang!" Evan exclaims, as he makes a head motion in the opposite direction.

"Gottcha." Giorgio agrees, he turns hard to drive away from the area.

Evan pulls the pin from one of the grenades he picked up earlier. Throwing it into the door less cargo hold, he drives away to meet up with Giorgio.

The grenade explodes setting a devastating chain reaction. The box of grenades is cooked off, bullets crackle and pop like firecrackers as they are swallowed by the intense heat. The explosion takes out the cars on either side of the truck, throwing them off the road as burning scrap. An impressive inferno rises into the sky and bathes the road with orange and yellow flames.

"Did that kill the attackers as well?!" A scared gangster asks his car mates.

The red and blue motorcycles which burst from the flames answer his question.

"FUCK!" He screams. "Shoot back at them! SHOOOOT!"

The men are quickly gunned down as Giorgio sprays them with his machine gun, leaving a driverless car to roll off the road.

Evan casually lobs the second grenade he had picked up earlier, into another jeep. It lands on the driver's lap and all four inside meet a fiery death from the explosion.

Giorgio shoots a lackey in another jeep as the man is in the midst of aiming a shoulder mounted rocket launcher at him. Before he can finish off the driver, the buzzing of helicopter blades can be heard in the air.

The agents look up. In the bright blue sky, a black helicopter with a golden star printed on the underside hovers above them.

The door of the helicopter slides open revealing a bearded man in a black suit and white gloves. He is also adorned with a golden swallow tailed blazer which glitters intensely in the sunlight.

The man spreads out his arms theatrically and loudly announces something. However, the speech is lost to the buzzing sound of the helicopter blades.

Evan and Giorgio shoot each other quizzical looks. Evan shrugs at the man above them and Giorgio motions to his ear.

After a while, the suited man disappears into the helicopter and comes back out with a collar microphone clipped to himself.

"CAN YOU HEAR ME KNOW?" The speakers on the front of the helicopter blare out.

Evan gives him a thumbs up. "THAT'S A LOT BETTER! BUT LOWER THE VOLUME JUST A BIT." He yells back at the man.

"OK, WILL DO." After bumping the volume down enough, the suited man clears his throat and begins. "Ladies and Gentlemen! I am Mágico! "Put your hands together, and send me your thunderous applause. For this is the greatest and last show you will ever see, following it— you will die entertained. _We are the performers_. May the festivities never end."

Giorgio and Evan narrow their eyes and give each other knowing looks.

Mágico laughs as he releases a flurry of projectiles towards them from his gloved hands. "We're going to have a show!"

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **-I'm baaaack! Apologies for worrying some of you! Thanks for the chapter dedication June!**

 **-Phew, the most action I've had in one chapter I think!**

 **-Sorry Noodle, I know I said it there was meant to be a _ scene, but it will happen in the next chapter due to a pacing issue.**


	7. Murder in the Dark

**Murder in the Dark**

The battle has now reached a stretch of road where sloping walls of orange mountainous terrain border it on either side.

The projectiles released by Mágico shower the agents with a hail storm of blades. The agents both swerve to narrowly avoid being shredded by them by taking cover behind the last convoy truck.

"Woah!" Exclaims Evan. "How is he even throwing that many knives in one go?!"

Giorgio looks over his shoulder to view the truck which has caught a few of the projectiles in its flank. "Playing cards."

His partner scoffs. "Someone takes blackjack way too seriously." He whips out his handgun and starts firing at the assault helicopter. What doesn't ricochet off the helicopter's side and goes through the narrow entrance, Mágico manages to dodge.

 _That's some serious armour plating._ Giorgio thinks. _Tsk._

Mágico laughs and waves his hands in the air. "I have the higher ground gentlemen. Figuratively, and literally— I'll finish this show now. Royal Flush!"

With the declaration, the magician releases a flurry of cards in a spreading wave pattern. They shred the convoy truck hood and sparks ignite, causing it to explode.

The duo accelerate to outrun the flames and the deadly hail. Evan jumps, planting his feet on the bike seat to avoid cards slicing up his leg. Instead of his leg thankfully, his motorcycle catches some heavy scratches on the side. It won't stand much more damage, but If it wasn't a VSSE modified vehicle it would have been done for already.

Giorgio zips left and right to avoid the rolling pattern of the cards flying towards him. It really sucks that the only source of cover is now gone. At the end of the attack, some cards manage to pierce through the back wheel.

Just as the tyre makes an alarming squealing sound, the gel inside activates to patch the hole preventing a blowout. Giorgio stabilises his bike from its wobbling, making a mental note to thank the genius who had thought to adapt the technology used in racing cars for VSSE vehicles. _Think, there's always a way to wreck something._ If only the peacock wings on his jacket could actually give him flight he thinks half amused, half annoyed. _Hang on_. "Evan! Get ready to save me!"

The blonde ceases firing at the body of the helicopter. His plan to keep firing in one place until he breached the fuel tank was not working so far. He sees the brunette accelerate off the road up the mountainside, and begins to do the same at the other side.

With his motorcycle finally ascending high enough on the slope, Giorgio finds a perfect ledge to launch off— straight towards the rotating helicopter blades. When he is only a few metres away from them, he kicks off the motorcycle with his feet and plummets backwards towards the ground.

Having launched off the other side a few seconds later, Evan catches Giorgio mid-air.

The abandoned red motorcycle snags the helicopter blades and Mágico's taunting smirk turns into a horrified scream as the helicopter spins out of control.

"Ugh!" Giorgio grunts as the blue bike touches down on to road.

"What was that?!" Evan asks, as he drives them both back from where they came.

"That—" Giorgio says coolly, while being held tightly by one of Evan's arms.

The helicopter explodes in a grand fireball as it viciously whirls into the harsh ground beneath it.

"—was the flight of a peacock."

* * *

Sarah rips the tape covering Uxía's mouth in a swift motion, apologising for any pain.

"That's okay." The model genuinely assures her. "I needed to wax my upper lip anyway."

Sarah gives her friend a small smile and drives to the requested safehouse. It's Uxía's childhood home. A quaint little house attached to the family owned cafe in a quiet neighbourhood.

After the model has a teary reunion with her parents, Giorgio and Evan finally arrive to the house and the three agents sit with her in her old bedroom.

Uxía's eyes are red from crying. "He only thought of me as as an accessory." She sniffles. "I'm so stupid. I never want to fall in love again."

Sarah shakes her head and rubs her friend's back in a comforting gesture. "Hey, don't say that. Sometimes we just choose the wrong people when they hide their ugly sides from us."

"That's right!" Evan nods in agreement. "Don't ever give up on love. You _will_ find that person— who you will always want to be close to. Someone you would do anything for to see them happy, and a little spoiled even." Evan looks at Giorgio.

Uxía's eyes brighten as the sentiment touches her heart, and words give her hope. "Aww that's so sweet~"

"—Whos beautiful hair you love to twirl and play with. Someone you feel completes you when you're holding them in your arms—"

"Evan." Sarah tries to interject, as they were technically all still on a mission with a time crisis.

Giorgio raises an eyebrow in amusement. The French really did earn their place in the world as famous romantics.

"And when you see that person's full lips, all you want to do is kiss them until they're bruised. And when you see their ass, it's like being tempted with ripe fruit ready to p—"

"AHEM!" Sarah coughs. "Getting a little frisky towards the end there, Bernard."

Giorgio chuckles as Evan scratches the back of his head. Uxía has gone into a fit of giggles.

"So—" Sarah says as she opens her laptop. "Back on to the mission…." She says while side-eyeing a completely oblivious Giorgio. "Our tech has finally infiltrated Nicolai's security programs. His records reveal that the The Midas' Touch has been sold to a warlord named Heitor Sosa. As much as I hate to say this, we need Nicolai alive to find out where Sosa is."

Uxía shakes her head with a sniffle at the mention of his name. "No."

"Uxía, I'm sorry. But we need to find out where that weapon is being deployed so we can stop it from hurting people." Sarah says gently. She did not like Nicolai's current well-being either, but they needed a link to trace the weapon.

"No, I mean. If you guys want to find that man, you can just keep Brad alive." Uxía says.

Giorgio faces her. "What do you mean?"

"Brad is Nicolai's business partner." Uxía says a matter of factly.

The agents give each other surprised looks.

"That dumbass?!" Evan asks incredulously. "I doubt he can even count past ten. He'd use his fingers tocount _to_ ten and then he would just be lost."

 _Nice burn._ Giorgio thinks in amusement.

"We didn't find his name in any of the files." Sarah says gently, sharing Evan's disbelief.

Uxía purses her lips to the side frowning, until suddenly she realises something in excitement. "Oh! Perhaps he is using his other name! Try searching for—" She suggests, makes air quotations with her fingers. "—Nightmare Blade FireEdge Darkness Deathstalker."

Giorgio groans and massages his temples.

Evan cracks into a fit of derisive laughter clutching his sides. "HAHAHAHA HA!"

"...So that's the random string of words which occasionally popped up in the files." Sarah says with a blank expression.

"Anyway…" Giorgio says in between his partner's laughter. "We can kill Nicolai tonight after all. Brad or 'Nightmare Blade FireEdge Darkness Deathstalker', will be easier to extract information from by the sounds of it."

* * *

 **[The Limão no Coco Hotel. Nicolai's Presidential Suite 8:30pm]**

The bass from the speakers shakes the air. Colourful lights flickers in the dark room in time with the music, along with beautiful bodies covered in glitter and glow-paint.

Giorgio and Evan kill a few hours enjoying the electronic music, now that a DJ, who is actually a DJ is playing. They dance close to each other, always playing the part of a couple, and actually enjoying the night.

 **[I just desire what is not, what was not, what is unfeasible.]**

Eventually the duo end up on the suite balcony. They look at the yellow lights of houses which glow warmly in a crescent against the dark blue of the bay.

Evan looks at his partner to see his hand sweeping some stray wavy locks back behind an ear. He looks at the red peacock feather he was allowed to draw on his partner's face in red glow-in-the-dark paint, before settling his gaze at his eyelashes.

 **[I don't desire what was once, what was already, what is plausible.]**

After comfortably enjoying the sight while resting his arms on the balcony, Giorgio feels one of Evan's hands slide on top of his.

"Evan, don't worry. No one's watching us right now." Giorgio assures his partner.

 **[I just desire what is real, what is wrought, what is incredible.]**

"I know." Evan says.

Giorgio turns to face his partner to see he has an earnest expression on his face that he isn't familiar with.

 **[Everybody needs a kiss. Everybody needs a kiss. Everybody, kiss somebody.]**

"You know." Evans says, giving the hand under his a gentle squeeze. _I'm going to do it._

 **[Todo mundo precisa de beijo. Eu sou, I am.]**

"Don't get me wrong, I enjoy explosions as much as a civilian enjoys fireworks. But I'm glad that sometimes we can go on undercover missions like this. With you, these quiet parts in between. Are moments just for us-"

' **REEEEEEEEEEEE!'** The speakers shriek.

Giorgio flinches violently as if a grenade has detonated beside him. "SON OF A—"

"—BRAD!" Evan finishes through gritted teeth.

* * *

"OH, THAT'S IT!" Evan snarls as he marches up to the turntables where Brad is playing his 'music' on a Wac laptop. He turns the volume down to zero causing the other man to start whining.

Brad groans about Evan ruining the start of his set and goes on to whine about the 'sick beats' he hasn't even dropped yet in his planned 6 hour dance music set.

"I'll show you what will drop." Evan snarls. He quickly moves behind Brad and grabs his face with his hands from behind. With a single violent motion, Brad's neck makes a deafening snapping sound as his head is twisted around completely.

Evan coldly looks at the look of terror on Brad's face which is now facing him and gives him a light push.

As his lifeless, wrong-looking body hits the floor, onlookers finally register what has happened. Screams erupt from the room and partygoers push against each other to run out of the suite in terror.

"Haaaaa." Evan exhales in relief when the last murder witness has left the room crying. "Finally. Beautiful peace and quiet."

"Evan!" Giorgio exclaims, eyes wide, putting a hand on his partner's shoulder. "I just got off the phone with the chief, and he says—" His voice, uncharacteristically shaky. "He says we've both been promoted to Ace rank agents! That's above Senior rank, it's what _Richard Miller_ is." He says in excitement and disbelief. "And because you've murdered the most annoying man to ever exist in Brazil, the country will throw _another six days_ of Carnaval in our honour! Oh Evan-"

* * *

"—Evan? Evan?" Giorgio asks worriedly as he nudges his partner again. The man is staring at nothing in particular, catatonic. The music must have done some damage to him, the poor thing. "Are you okay? You just blanked out for two entire minutes."

"Oh…" His partner says, snapping out of his trance. "I had a little daydream I guess… sorry." Evan says sheepishly.

"Alright, I'm going to go get Nicolai for the plan okay?" Giorgio asks, walking away to do just that.

As his partner walks away, Evan wipes a tear which has rolled down his face. "It was so beautiful."

* * *

The music changes back to nice electro dance music as Sarah is distracting Brad from playing. They can't afford to have the man's disgusting music from drowning out their communication with Nicolai.

Giorgio finds Nicolai chugging a bottle of candy vodka. "Hey big boy." Giorgio smiles, trying very, very hard not to sound sarcastic. He flirts with Nicolai a little, who is very flattered to have even male models after him now. After Uxía dumping him, he really needed a win.

After some back and forth, Giorgio looks him straight in the eye and says. "Nothing gets me more hot and bothered than a man who can _really_ snort cocaine."

Luring him to a reflective glass table where Evan is sitting at, Giorgio licks his upper lip seductively at the target. "Show me what a man you are, Nicolai."

Evan smirks at the weapons dealer to goad him on to take the challenge, though he is also smirking because he knows how extremely embarrassed his partner is at this very moment.

Without further ado, Nicolai and Evan are snorting little white lines on the mirror-like table.

Evan tries not to let out a whine as he snorts the sherbet powder candy in front of him. _I know mine's not actual cocaine, but this can't be good for me._

Nicolai is snorting a line as well, although it is actually pure cocaine. He constantly eyes Evan to see how quickly his competition is going. "Wooow!" He shrieks as the drugs kick in.

After snorting a third line uncomfortably, Evan is irritated at how long it's taking Nicolai to show signs of being anywhere near overdosing. _Oh my god just die already. There's so much sherbet up my nose._

Before Nicolai can start his fourth line of cocaine. Evan empties his bag of fake cocaine onto the table, creating what looks more like a mountain ridge as opposed to a thin line. He looks at the perplexed weapons dealer and says. "Watch how the big kids do it." Covering his mouth with his hands and making a snorting noise for effect, Evan licks the powdered candy off the table.

Giorgio raises an eyebrow at his partner, silently hoping he isn't found out with his _very unrealistic_ snorting speed. "..."

Nicolai's eyes are almost as wide as his mouth as he stares at Evan in disbelief.

Giorgio's heart rate increases as he waits for Nicolai to throw a fit over Evan's supposed cheating.

Nicolai closes his agape mouth, and empties his bag of cocaine completely. _How dare this French prick try to outdo me— the great Nicolai?!_ He doubles down and begins furiously snorting the mountain with the speed of a vacuum cleaner.

Giorgio's mouth is open in awe this time, and Evan has stopped completely to look up.

Nicolai flicks his frazzled head up with pupils so dilated, his irises are essentially gone.

Everyone stares at each other in silence.

 _Well…._ Evan thinks. _Better make sure he's dead._ The blonde grabs another one of Nicolai's cocaine bags and empties it in front of him. He slowly claps while chanting "Snort, snort! Snort!"

Nearby partygoers join in with the clapping, and chant to encourage him.

As the crowd gathers, Evan and Giorgio nod at each other. It's their queue to leave.

Before they go, Giorgio leans over to Nicolai's ear. The glass table reflects the weapons dealer's face like the surface of a pond. He whispers his final words to him before turning to leave. "Com'è giusto che un narcisista come te muoia fissando il proprio riflesso. [How fitting that a narcissist like you dies staring at his own reflection]."

The pair quickly retrieve Brad from the turntables and drive off into the night.

* * *

Brad looks around the empty shack, realisation finally sinking in.

"What the fuck bros?! There's no 'sweet ass music producer crib' in here!" He shouts, angrily paraphrasing what Evan had told him on the way to the creepy deserted shack in the middle of nowhere.

The irate man charges at the blonde who stands there smirking at him.

Evan slides out of the way with ease and lightly fires a quick and light punch at Brad's face.

Giorgio props himself on a table to watch with his legs lazily crossed on top of each other.

Brad wildly swings again.

Evan easily dodges and jabs him in the face again. This repeats several more times before Giorgio decides to intervene.

"Evan, andiamo! [Hurry up!] Stop playing with your food."

With an acknowledging grin, Evan punches Brad in the face one final time, hard enough to daze him.

With Nicolai's business partner tied to a chair, the interrogation begins.

"Tsk, tsk, Brad. Assaulting your friend's guest like that…" Giorgio looks down at Brad's swollen face. Two black eyes, inflamed cheeks, and puckered fish lips. He spares a quick glance at Evan, who is humming like a child who has happily finished with play. "You sold a weapon known as Midas' Touch. Tell us all about it and the buyer."

Brad grits his teeth and spits out bloody saliva onto the floor. "Like hell I am you fucking wog!"

Evan trots up to Brad. "I'm breaking all your ribs." He proclaims happily.

"Hey, wait." Giorgio says, stopping his partner in his tracks. "We don't have clearance for anything against the Geneva Convention for this mission. He is technically a prisoner now after all." He says, as he gets off from the table and goes to a corner in the room.

Evan frowns.

"Here." Giorgio says, handing his partner a pair of rubber gloves and a tub filled with a brown and thick substance.

To answer his confused partner's expression, he explains. "We don't have clearance for interrogation methods which upset the Geneva Convention. So no waterboarding."

Brad sighs in relief.

"Buuuuut… it's technically not waterboarding if we use caramel instead of water right?" Giorgio smiles maliciously.

Brad's eyes widen in horror while Evan's face lights up. "I freaking love dulce de leche."

* * *

The cool water hits Giorgio's skin and lime scented body-wash carries the scent of ash and gunpowder residue into the showers drain.

After some caramel-boarding of Brad, they had extracted information of the nature of the Midas' Touch weapon. He and Nicolai had sold it to a warlord by the name of Heitor Sosa. However, in fear of being killed by Heitor himself, Brad had refused to give the man's location— even to the point of almost dying a sweet and sticky death in caramel.

They had knocked out Brad in order to enact a plan the following morning for now.

Giorgio turned to look at the luxurious bathtub in the room. There's a basket sitting on the ledge with a pretty jar of lime-scented bath salts and little orchid flowers to add to the bath water. Well... all they could do for now was to wait for morning… Why not?

* * *

Giorgio lowers himself into the bathtub. The tepid water is so relaxing during a warm Brazilian summer night. He closes his eyes to enjoy the soothing water and the peace and quiet he has allowed himself for once.

 _Splash_. He hears in front of him

 _Wait. What splash._ Giorgio sighs, eyes still closed. "Evan, get out."

"Whaaat." Evan whines. "You look so comfy though…"

"Exactly. So when I'm done, I'll let you know and then you can have the tub all for yourself."

"But then I'll be lonely..." Evan mumbles.

Giorgio's shoulders shift a little.

Seeing that it was working a little, Evan gives him one final push. "I promise I'll be super quiet!"

Saying he'd be quiet by _exclaiming it_ did not inspire any confidence. Another sigh was exhaled as Giorgio slowly opens his eyes. "Fine, but don't forget it— WOAH!" Giorgio yelps in surprise as he quickly turns his head away. "WHY. WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!"

"I'm going to take a bath with you, DUH! And we've taken the VSSE communal gym showers together before— you should be used to this!" Evan counters, waving a hand to gesture at his own crotch.

"That's different! Get your JUNK out of my face!" Giorgio yells, trying to will his peripheral vision to stop working, but Evan was too close.

"Quoi?! [What?!] Don't call it 'junk', you make it sound like it's bad for you!"

Giorgio felt the pieces of his mind shatter into sand. The peace he had enjoyed for less than four minutes was completely gone. It had, with his blood pressure, skyrocketed to the fucking moon. "... Either put some bubbles on it, or just get in the damn tub!"

"I was trying to get in the tub in the first place!" Evan protests, still not moving.

"Evan, so help me god— I will kill you how we were initially planning to kill Nicolai!" Giorgio hisses.

Evan lets out a small whimper and sinks into the water. He didn't understand why his partner was being so mean. He only wanted to hang out with him.

After long enough had passed, Evan shuffles a little closer to him. "Say… I know you won't _actually_ kill me. If your 'stripper husband' is dead, there's only gonna be the tropical fishes to keep you company when you go scuba diving."

"Hmph." Giorgio didn't have to look at his partner to know that there was a Cheshire cat grin on his face. Instead of acknowledging his partner's grin, he opted for the complimentary bottle of coconut shampoo on the bathtub ledge.

"And then you'll be crying miserable tears underwa— HEY!" Evan yelps as Giorgio crushes the bottle in his hand, ejecting far too much shampoo on Evan's head.

"Stay still, you're still covered in ash." Giorgio kneads his partners alabaster hair.

Evan chuckles and scoops some of the shampoo out of his hair to pat into Giorgio's. "You know… since you decided that your 'husband's' occupation was a stripper, you really shouldn't have any problem seeing me naked."

"Hmph." Giorgio scoffs as he fashions Evan's foamy hair into demon horns. "It was just off the top of my head. Because _someone_ made me into one of those stupid high-fashion runway models."

Evan laughs. "But you sway your hips when you normally walk! I thought it was appropriate~"

Giorgio rolls his eyes. The pair joke and laugh about different cover identities until their fingers become wrinkly from the water.

Evan makes a move to exit the tub.

"Uh-uh I refuse to get an eyeful of _that_ again." Giorgio says. "I'm leaving first."

"Fiiiine. _You win_." Evan says, as he throws his head back in exasperation. After hearing water dripping, he peeks down to view Giorgio getting out of the tub. Water seeping down his back to eventually trail down his thighs. The view of the moon was really nice. _Actually, I think I win._

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **-The song which plays in the balcony scene is 'Everybody Needs a Kiss' by Benny Benassi and Sofi Tukker. It's sung half in English and half in Brazilian Portuguese.**

 **-During the snorting contest with Nicolai 'I Do Coke' by Kill the Noise & Feed Me plays. **

**-Giorgio's last words to Nicolai is a reference to the Ancient Greco-Roman myth of Narcissist, a beautiful young man who broke too many hearts. As punishment, the goddess of love curses him to fall in love with his own reflection. Trying to embrace his reflection, he drowns in the pond trying to reach it. The water which splashes the earth gives life to a daffodil flower, genus name Narcissus.**


End file.
